how sweet it is to be loved by you. 

Yesterday was a bitter day. Like 70% dark chocolate. Harsh at first, until you allow the morsel to melt in your mouth, then the sweetness is revealed.

Yesterday was the halfway point. I am one month in and have one precious month to go.

As I sat down to my journal a sense of heaviness hovered over my chest. Awaiting the moment I wrote the date on the page, I anticipated the pain that would immediately hit. I wrote my first words, “Today is a bitter day Lord. I am at the halfway point. It’s amazing to me that I have only been here for one month. The familiarity and connection I feel, seems like it has been much longer.” Rather than the prolonged pain I anticipated to come next, the Lord sweetly blessed our time.

As the initial bitter taste began to melt, I explored the sweetness of all that the Lord has done over this past month. “I am thankful. Thankful that the relationships you've given me which feel as though they have grown for much longer than a month. Thankful that I have experienced you here in a very real and personal way. Thankful for my deepened love and trust in you. Thankful that you have taken this journey with me and are patiently teaching me. Thankful for the month of wisdom and sweet friendship from Sarita. And thankful, so thankful, that I still have a whole other month.”

Through this past month, the Lord has taken me on journey. A journey of discovering joy. Not discovering what it is like to experience joy, but what is God’s design and purpose for joy? Why is he delighted in our joy? For years John Piper’s quote: “God is most glorified in us, when we are most satisfied in Him” has rung in my head. I’ve yearned to explore this deeper.

Beginning this trip I held the same desire which has captured my thoughts and prayer life for quite some time. Desperate to know God’s plan for my life: is He calling me to the mission field, is He calling me to spend my life in Africa, which ministry he is calling me to serve with? Through this past month's journey, though the curiosity still remains, He is directing my heart to claim a new focus. Joy. Joy that is not dependent on the place I am in, the people I am with, or the circumstances I am surrounded by, but joy that is rooted in Him and his glory alone. That in any place, circumstance, or condition I may proclaim confidently the cry of Psalm 63:1, “O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.”

What I have experienced is that this type of yearning, this type of undying desire to know, experience, and love God, produces joy that is abundant and deep. I am finding, that as I shift my focus from finding joy in in Africa to finding joy in God He has graciously surprised me with experiencing moments of infinitely deeper joy in Africa. It’s this kind of overtaking joy. I think somewhat like falling in love. You know that feeling? Your heart is so overfilled with gladness that its wavering over the edge knowing that if you just let yourself take one more step you’ll fall into a pit laughter over absolutely nothing. Everything is just rose colored bliss; you walk lighter, you smile constantly, your stomach tickles, and your heart is free.

It’s happened several times over the past week. As I walked down the street and the man wheeling his bicycle piled high with sugar cane strikes up a conversation that lasts until we both reach town. As I see a woman nursing her babe while selling bananas on the side of the road. As I am reunited with the girls after several days apart; they run up yelling "Auntie!" as I flood them with hugs and kisses on their perfectly shaved heads. It happened when I led a devotional with our women which I had not planned at all. I prayed the Holy Spirit would lead me to the scripture and the words he knew their hearts needed to hear; and that He certainly did. As we sat and prayed for the spiritual and physical warfare of their families back in the Congo, and for their husbands here in Gulu, I realized I could not have planned a devotional that would have had that same effect. It happened when proud tears welled up in my eyes as I watched one of our girls display her gift and passion for music at a competition she and the whole organization has dedicated so much to.

Finding joy in serving in Africa is not bad. Finding joy in your work, your school, your team, your passions, your kids, your family is not bad. I believe God created them as ways for us to experience his goodness and our delight. But the problem I have experienced in seeking joy from these areas is that i think it is enough. I become satisfied with the place, the work, the people, the relationships, not realizing that infinitely greater joy is experienced by savoring the splendor of our God. I mean it makes sense doesn't it? Why would we want to serve a God who is anything less than better than everything?

I can tell you that the joy of being in Africa is sweet. It is treasure. But the joy I experience from my God is abundantly more. He is taking me on this journey, showing me the blessing of loving and enjoying him is where my deepest joy is birthed. It is when I gain freedom from the cross--joy in knowing that I am free from my sins, spending eternity in heaven, and I could not do a thing to earn this gift--it is then that I experience a much deeper joy in life. And right now, that is life in Africa.

Oh yea, this morsel is dag on sweet.